Caves of Respite Required

After an encounter last weekend with someone who I perceived to be who they claimed to be, a spiritually evolved human who, in hindsight, was actually too enamored with me, in the same way I became with him, a few days went by and then I fell extremely ill.  I feel this person literally injected me with poison on a spiritual and physical level.

I have been in bed for three days now with a raging flu as if my whole being was sucked out of me by his very touch. Every joint on my body aching, high fever, swollen lymph nodes and a severe headache.

After the encounter with this individual I felt very “high” and heady.  My spirit felt like it was soaring.  Then as I observed and recognized the falsehoods this person presented me with, my body dropped.  It dropped hard as if I was thrown from a cliff.

I thought about the Buddhist book I gifted him which he held in his pocket yet never even read.  I thought about the first question he asked me, which was irrelevant to the current subject, yet triggered me, due to the woman he asked me about was someone who also sucked out my life force.  I had also predicted that the question would be asked of me.

I thought about the direct question I asked of him in regards to a relationship he claimed he was no longer in. He mirrored my language, calling me Otherkin, when he claimed to have not heard that word before me.  The list of contradictions that I didn’t recognize when I was inside of the encounter, goes on and on.

My main hurdle is trusting those I should not trust and not trusting those whom I should.  My eyes feel even more wide open and aware after this adverse encounter, yet I feel even more cautious than ever before

In retrospect I feel I was vampishly bitten and spiritually depleted.  I feel extremely withdrawn and wiped out, concerned for my own health and spiritual safety.  I have blocked this person as best I can from any further attacks including blocking the woman who he seemingly used as a weapon to trigger my emotional well being.  In fact, it would not surprise me at all to find out the two were in on it together including discussing it afterwards.

There’s a deep lesson for me to sift through as I lay here, recovering from yet another night of fighting off fever and body aches.

I am retreating further into a space of aloneness as I cannot afford to continue allowing these malevolent energies to approach me disguised as light. They are dangerous energy and emotion suckers, gaining only for themselves. Wolves in Sheep’s clothing, they present to me as information portals, playing on my interest in knowledge as a tool to draw me in.

Sharpening my senses as I physically recover is my top priority. I realize even after I expressed direct concern about my own sexuality that this person skewed my perspective so that I would give him what he wanted.  I literally could not resist the methodology being used to attack me.

I have being victimized in this way since childhood.  I did not want to have a paranoid mind of mistrust towards other people yet this encounter has resulted in such an intense setback on my spiritual and physical health, I believe it will be a very long time, if ever, before I trust someone to be who they claim to be or to even meet me or be close to me.

I am building deeper onto my defenses so these entities lose the ability of tracking me, attacking my spirit, blocking them on every level I can, knowing that I can still be tracked and attacked.  But I will make it difficult as hell for them.

As I recover from this illness I am flying inside of awareness and realizations more clearly than ever before.

There is a quiet cave of respite waiting my arrival as this will be the last time I open my gates to allow anyone close enough to attack me again.

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