Yesterday while heading home from an appointment, my head was swirling. Things are changing in my life so quickly, and not all of it is “bad”, per say. It’s just that change in general takes some time for me to balance into.
I’m a planner.
I like lists.
I need schedules and reminders.
These changes happening are not allowing for any of that. I am forced into a space of waiting things out without any surety of what the future holds.
Back to yesterday. Moderate freak out. My mind went into victim mentality immediately. Shut down. It sounds something like this:
“Fuck it. I am exhausted. My emotional body can’t take another blow or another surfing wave.”. and on and on letting myself just feel the emotion of it all.
Then I spiraled down into thoughts of why really, I’ve pretty much accomplished what I’ve come to do. “I’ll be famous when I’m dead.” grandious kind of thoughts.
Critical thinking (I call her Knowing) stepped in. She whispered in my left ear as she always does.
“Come on, Ven. Gratitude.”
And so it was that I found myself verbally, out loud, listing all of the things and people I am blessed to have in my life.
By the time I arrived home, my emotions had made a startlingly quick recovery.
I ended up soending the evening finishing posts to submit as a guest blogger for two blogs. AND I worked on a painting that I have not touched in over a year.
I believe in two parts of therapy with fervor:
Today I woke up feeling charged and focused, knowing that the next couple of months will be a great emerging; morphing more into my future.
“Cult Child” – the novel
“Becoming Gratitude” – the journal
“Dusted Shelves” – the poetry