Child Abusers Rarely Take Ownership of Their Crimes

If my mother were alive, and you were to ask her if she allowed her children to be abused or if she abused her children, her answer would most likely be (with Bible in hand), “Absolutely NOT!”

She would then most likely go on to tell you what difficult children my siblings and I were to raise, along with a myriad of other excuses to support the gross denial covering the guilt she couldn’t face.   This is what abusers do; blame the child, and all too often, naive adults actually believe it.

A couple of years ago, a friend who grew up in the same cult as me had a conversation with a woman who knew me when I was a child. My friend asked the woman about my time as a child at the second compound I was taken to in Alaska, and the woman said this:

Well, she was quite a boisterous child and was always in trouble a lot.”

She victim blamed a child who she witnessed be abused and yet still, thirty plus years later, the denial runs as deep as the ocean. What should we have expected? That our abusers would admit to their crimes? What a ridiculous notion. Child abusers rarely admit to their crimes unless they’re caught. Given the chance, they will quickly blame the child.  Witnessing child abuse and doing nothing is just as criminal as participating.

Victim blame a child abuse survivor, and that’s where my patience, kindness and association ends.

I do not ever condone a child abuse survivor having to defend themselves against the abuse they suffered. My fellow child abuse survivors, we’re not mentally ill. Our abusers are. Those who would attack your abuse are in serious need of psychological help themselves.

They lack empathy and understanding. Attacking someone’s child abuse is an extremely apathetic action. I feel we must use our voices to stand against those who would deny the atrocities that we endured as children and that children still endure. We have to stand our ground and not allow children to ever be blamed for the neglect and/or abuse they endure.

Tonight I sit in contemplation, knowing where my passions are, and what makes me feel in a space of forward movement.   I am aware of where I put my time and my energy, for my goal is to always be focused on believing and supporting child abuse survivors.

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6 comments

  1. At times i have believed that my having faith, in the belief ‘everything happens for a reason ‘, could be considered a symptom of delusion.

    Being faced with the seemingly impossible circumstances of child abuse. Consequences of other’s horrific behaviours, or in the midst of the ripple effects later in life when u find myself wading through consequences from actions i now must own.

    These are the times i question this belief and also lean on that belief most.
    I ask myself,
    how could it be rational to have a belief that implies i believe i am somewhat deserving, its meant to be? or i must find an acceptance for the overwhelm for there is a purpose, a silver lining.

    Then there are the times i find a piece of writing i borrow hope from others, like this piece where ‘ perfect timing ‘ is only a small way to describe its perfection and profound power.

    This last month i have been at war with my self.
    I can NOW wave the white flag and find peace. I have to thankyou vennie.
    My mother had brought up a period of time where in her world she had,
    ” escaped my step father, with my brother and i , to a hotel,”

    At first i didnt recall this time at all, In the next few weeks slowly but surely i began to remember, it began with months of abuse directed towards everyone, normally there were times inbetween of peace, like a typical cycle there was explosive followed with pitty, honeymoon period ..and so on.

    But this was different, it never let up it was months of alcohol fuelled madness.

    As i put the pieces together, i remembered my mother and brother running to me in my room, “he is coming”, they said. “Please dont react, please don’t make it worse”, and they left.

    And i mean left, left the in the car,
    I then endured the two weeks of torture, these two weeks had been hidden in my mind for good reason, the abuse never let up i was beaten drugged raped and sold for days at a time.

    my ‘mothers’ truth and reality told a tale of rescue and protection

    To come to this reality and to have doubt fucking with MY truth was becoming unbearable.

    Thankyou for being you,
    Its times like this that i am certain everything happens for a reason. Thankyou

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow – what an incredible survival story. Thank you for sharing this with me. You are hella brave. I am SO sorry for that pain. I’m glad you are here and still standing. 🦋💞🦋 thank you for uplifting my day.

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      1. I just cannot believe i had been LITTERALLY driving myself crazy. With a pit in my stomach that felt so invalidating I just couldnt understand how the most horrific days of my life are not real.

        Do you think its typical or common for a survivor to instinctively turn the ear inwards, go to war with themselves, & not at all contemplate that it may be ( in this case) my mother (the÷enabler) that may be in denial, Its not my memories that are in anyway false. But her own defense mechanisms that keep her from the truth?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh yes. My mother stayed in denial until the day she died. If I had a chance to bring up anything, I had a vivid imagination or oh it wasn’t THAT bad. I have no bond with my mother. She is dead now, and that chance to bond died with her. I just don’t even think of her as my mother. She’s merely the human host who gave birth to me. That is how I feel.

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