The Tired Children

I am a child, maybe around eight or nine years of age.  I am in a large house with at least three stories and a basement.  I am in the basement with many other children.  We are moving large objects, too heavy for our small bodies to be moving on a consistent basis.  I can’t quite make out exactly what the objects are.  They are square, almost like blocks of concrete.

I am watching myself in third person, up against the ceiling looking down.  My hair is somewhat matted as though it has not been washed in quite a long time.  My face is dusty.  I have on burlap pants and a t-shirt that is stained. I cannot see my feet to know if there are shoes on or if I am barefoot.  I seem to have been down here for a very long time.  All of us children have.  I look tired, hopeless, worn, and moving methodically.  We do not talk to each other.  We do not look at each other. We move systematically, moving the large objects from a pile on one side of the basement to stack them neatly on the other side.  I feel the heaviness of whatever we all are moving and organizing.  I see the utter weariness in all our hunched over backs.

The dream scene changes. I am in my own body now.  I am an adult now.  I am sitting in a room with a large makeshift conference table.  It is handmade with slabs of wood.  There are many people around it in matching chairs made of tree trunks and tree limbs and nailed together pieces of board.  I cannot see their faces.  Only their forms.  They are a mixture of mirage and shadow, shifting between color and black and white.  I know I am being expelled from the house.  I feel that this is a regular occurrence, that once we children reach adulthood, we are no longer needed there.   I feel glad inside. I don’t understand why they aren’t worried that I and all the others they have released, will go to the authorities to tell on them.  I am aware that my life has been spent in the basement.  They are each talking to me, one at a time, as if giving instructions or even a farewell, but I am not listening.  I am in my own head, devising a plan to come back for the children in the basement.

I awake this morning, with a pinched nerve beneath the left shoulder blade on my back.  I let hot water pour onto it in the shower.  I understand the emotion that moved through me last night.  This reality of emotional pain is felt in multiple ways.  It moves through my heart strings and sometimes settles into my muscles.  It is not always mine.  At times, it feels like the pain of every hopeless child wishing as I did when I was little, that someday someone would save me.

©VennieKocsis.com

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8 comments

    1. I have made it a mission on my bucket list to save women and kids from harm in any possible way I can. I use many resources. I hope I can help to some damage if not destroy this cult. However it is very difficult because these beliefs spread like bad weeds in a garden. e need to pull as many out as we can to save these people damaged by this horrific Cult.

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  1. I am making some orogrss this last week and my wife and familyis giving me hell. I am going to do this anyway Vinnie. I am planning on going to that churhsoon when I cam I am also calling some people I know about this church and see if I can uncover their assets and along with Jehovahs Witnesses. I am on a role. I am already in a positon to go after JW’s. Have you know anything about them? Go to JW.org if you want to. I would like you to share some of what we find. It is a world wide “religion too”

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    1. Oh yes. I know lots about the JW’s. I know about pretty much every cult out there. I’ve been doing this cult watch thing for years. Their religious beliefs are the closest to what the cult taught.

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      1. I know that and I think thats why we can help each other. I had a very hard time at first to break away but often found my self ensnared again. I hate it!!!

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        1. After I had explored every religion there was, I found myself looking in the mirror saying “It has always been you. All along I knew.” I came to myself and I have never left. I am the most empowered I’ve ever been because I have no religion. Now if the rest of humanity can release themselves….

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      2. Yes..I recognized some things that the Witnesses teach too. It has always brought questions to my mind. I want to get them off my mind but have a very hard time doing so.I have been a member of many churches since childhood and thought the JW’s were the ones. Ughhh! I have had so many issues and am not afraid to ske them now. I think they know they are losing me again. It is so hard and I know you understand. I did not bring my kids up as witnesses after my first turned 5.

        Liked by 1 person

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