Poetry

The Day I Disappeared

Life Behind the Veil

“Life Behind the Veil” by Vennie Kocsis. Click the photo to view more art.

Click to Listen to the Spoken Version:

https://anchor.fm/e/99f7a0?at=2202210

The day I disappeared and
Became invisible
Was the moment
I became invincible.

I got lost inside
The existence of my absence.
I lost my laughter,
Which had
Trickled in moments
Of hopelessness,
So I could feel and
Deal with the real.

I disappeared and
It brought me here.

Now I stand
Unexpected
Affected and feeling.

I am healing.

It is said the sum
Of the numb means
We have succumbed to
Acceptance.

I call that self-rejecting.

I want to be affected
By the dejected.
I want to hold their fears
In my palms, dip my
Fingers in the ocean to
Release the tears.

I let myself see.
It’s my freedom
To go nowhere
So that I’m always
Somewhere and

Even now as these words
Run through minds
Who question meanings
Of bending time

I fade into the distance.
I am no longer
Resisting the calls to
Explore caves lined with
Files of memories waiting
To fill the gaps and
Bring the rest of the
Memories back.

The day I disappeared,
The world was quiet.
My face never reached a screen
Nor an ear, my screams.
I became an echo of a dream,
A memory slowly fading
Into remnants of words
Melting into the earth.

Vennie Kocsis is the author of Cult Child and hostess of Survivor Voices Show.

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Behind the Stars

“The Eyes Don’t Lie” by Vennie Kocsis

purchase at: http://bit.ly/2CkTWgH

You are hiding behind a star,

and I cannot find you

through the maze of

constellations.

You are elusive.

I climb the clouds,

searching just to see

the eyes behind your mist.

What is this?

What is this place?

I have found myself among

the unknown, and

I don’t feel at home.

Come find me, lover, otherkin.

I am waning in the tide,

piece by piece I melt

into the cool swell.

If only I can evaporate,

I can return to the place

of my birth where

you wait to take me back

into the arms that

keep my soul safe from

the harm of humans.

Vennie Kocsis

Author/Poet

You Watch

Do you watch quietly, from distances? Do you wonder if I believe myself to be what you believe me to be? Do you mystify me? A pedestal, you see, is a long way to fall when it’s kicked from beneath. Don’t recreate me. Let me Be. I am windstorms changing with the ebbing flow of the grid. Observe this. It is you. You just haven’t realized it.

Vennie Kocsis is the author of Cult Child and hostess of Survivor Voices Show

Shunned

img_9298

“Unacknowledged” graphic art by Vennie Kocsis

Where is our place,
we ask each other?
They write books and tell
the stories of dozens,
except us, forgotten,
our grief shunned,
held silent and we
have no place to call home.

So we create our own shell.
We enter it and sometimes
our ethereal strings connect,
and just like children
we talk through invisible cans.

Left behind.
Standing to the side.
We are the shadow lurkers.
The odd ones out.

Look to the left and right.
Seeing our fellow
survivors cry and they
can’t speak yet
can’t talk about what
they hold inside.

We few who have found voices
left over from the dripping
anger of Sam Fife’s horror,
stand in our huddled group
so small, it becomes miniscual
buried inside of
the bigger picture
belonging to the ones
who have each other.

We look at one another
realization settles into our eyes.
It’s just us against
this waning world.
Others shouting they stand with us
from distances so far
we are left in the familiar
hole of knowing the words
won’t match the action and
there’s always a catch.

The cusp of the feel is real.
The truth of the eyes which
never look at you
are black, the skin sallow
and we follow our own souls
walking this path alone.

Vennie Kocsis is the best-selling author of Cult Child and the hostess of Survivor Voices Show and her live Sunday broadcast Off the Cuff. She is an advocate, poet and artist.

Shards

Shards

And in the end
All she wanted
Was her own piece
Of heaven
Where her chest didn’t feel heavy
Where smiles felt real
And she could be free
Away from the ache left
From picking up shards
Of her beautiful heart

Vennie Kocsis is the best-selling author of Cult Child and the hostess of Survivor Voices Show and her live Sunday broadcast Off the Cuff. She is an advocate, poet and artist.

stream of consciousness 9.18

“The Consciousness of Being Human: Self Portrait” by Vennie Kocsis

I never / consented to this / to be a / part of parts / never asked / for the / broken hearts / the laden road / of being human / I am consuming / energy for air / ripping in half / to leave the / density here / to arrive there / so much to / leave behind / misunderstanding / mistrust / the degeneration / of being human / flat the feel / change the emotion / like ocean waves / this realm will / disengage and / the rage becomes / the sum of the numb / too sequestered / to remember / so they die / fire by fire by fire / and some / we love / memories become / teardrops / and scars / run my fingertip / over the / raised bars / hearing music / there is / no other way / injected through earth / plastic cups which / held my birth / death returns / when it / burns and burns and burns / regrowth the flowers / skin ashen / from flames / renamed and / reclaimed / shine the laughter / in aftermath / sees deeper than seas / trickery / treachery / manipulation / lower dimension / in fifth / long for seven / homeward bound / all your theories / are overthinking / flat or round / beginning or end / real or pretend / free or fenced / cages and rages / self created invasions / float away / against the seam / this is / a nightmare / not a dream / if they can’t / hear the / screams and wails / of innocent souls / this is / no place to / call home / I never / said yes / I’ll be the test / for traumas and / altered DNA / it was never / okay / when their / experiments / get to / intelligent / and layers / become invisible / they march in pairs / watching / from distances / invisibly obvious / mundane / this life / ordinary and / strained / drained by leeches / disguised as / preachers / politicians / the mouthpiece / of the wicked / people / so feeble / co-dependent slaves / cave easily / cracking brittle / can’t learn / from trees to / flow and release / shoot the moon / stage the craft / going back / through time portals / I told you / I am immortal / when this skin / becomes hollow / will I / remember / the aches / of this life / will I / look back / to understand why / floating in / the respite I / daydream of / colored plasma / encased / sleeping / m7

Deeper Seas

Art: “From a World Inside This One” by Vennie Kocsis

Deeper Seas

Emerged naked
Skin renewed from
Oil and water;
Lungs stronger
From the disaster.

You see, after
The ticking clock stops
And the heart
Is the only beat
Left to keep the rhythm
You place your hand
On your chest to
Count the breaths.

I’m alive and
It’s so quiet.

Inside the darkness
Of my closed lids
Becomes the ebbing
Vanishing of the dimness
And I am Witness
To the return.

Back to the dimension
I have leapt
Into the silence of
My home and it
Became apparent
I could be present

Simultaneously
Separately
Same space
Same spirit

I have become
Accustomed to
The denseness
No longer defensive
Or controlling and desperate

I am flying above cages
Where I have disengaged
The rage into peace;
So much calmer
Just be and so I
Scan the world
With accuracy

Heightened senses
Deeper seas

I am a castle
Solitary stone
Formed and intricate
Floating above the fog
Candles light my
Cold hallways as I
Speak to the colors
Rainbow Mother

This is where
Acceptance meets
It’s own face and
I have become

Light and War
Seeker and Seer
Otherkin and Friend
Lover and Sky Whispers

Vennie Kocsis is the best-selling author of Cult Child and the hostess of Survivor Voices Show and her live Sunday broadcast Off the Cuff. She is an advocate, poet and artist.