artist

Creating for Fun Releases Stress

When I create art, it most often represents the mind control programming and abuse enacted on my mind and body while growing up in Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.

When I have the opportunity to create for a child, I get to revisit my own childhood.  I ask questions about the child.  If it’s a child I know,  I take their personality into consideration.  For instance, the little girl receiving this piece is rather silly.  So, recycling an old greeting card with a woman who is wearing a cake hat, is right up this child’s alley.

This is where being a multiple is at a creative advantage for me.  Because my mind sees through gendered lines, I am able to conceptualize what a person may be feeling inside.    It allows me to bring their world perspective into the piece.  Creating for someone else’s heart is a welcomed break which allows my own to rest.

This latest project also afforded me a new opportunity.  I created my first time lapse art video.  Yeah!  I enjoyed being able to watch my own process in action.  I hope you enjoy it as well!

Ruins Of a Forgotten City 

When I create art it is usually in random spaces of time surrounding emotional overflow which needs to be expelled. Free flow ability is an important element for me to be able to live a self-healthy lifestyle.

When a local woman came across my art and contacted me, she told me that she found my recurring theme of the anime warrior compelling in regards to her child, who has struggled with personal mental situations. As the mother shared why she wanted me to do a piece for her teenager, I could relate both as a mother myself and as the once raging teenager.

I was thrilled to find out that the teenager also loves anime, color and is sensitive to the world. I was even more excited when mom gave me creative freedom.

I really love coding pieces with positive elements and energy. There are patterns and codes in old sketches, in new paintings and even in old journals. This piece is filled with strength and self worth to be passed on to a young person who is struggling inside just like I did and still do.

I don’t do many pieces for others, so when I have the opportunity to do so, I feel humbled and honored. This one flowed and spilled out. The process was cathartic. I finished it feeling re-empowered in parts of myself.

I am an advent child, standing in the ruins of a forgotten city. I cherish everything.

Untitled
8 x 10 stretched canvas
Elements: acrylic, metallic oil acrylic and velvet

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Ghosts Of the Forest

“Ghosts Of the Forest” / acrylic on 11×14 canvas / artist Vennie Kocsis / 2015

While taking a walk in the woods on Monday, light patterns revealed faces and figures in the forest ground. Memories took on a mind of their own tonight as ghosts flowed from my soul. Letting them go with a brush, a canvas and a pen.

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A Crisis and An Unexpected Delivery

The list for Ms. Therapist gets longer.

Another session cancelled. She had a client crisis happen today and had to be involved in that. At least I received a phone call before I made the somewhat long trek to her office.

So, I headed back to my private sanctuary after leaving her a message. In the least, we need to get an email and a phone session in. I have some questions I need and want her perspective on.

On the way back I stopped to check my mail.

“We have a big box for you.” The clerk said.

Oh my, I thought. I wonder what my brother has ordered, thinking he’d been held captive by his Amazon app.

But when the large box came out, it was addressed to me, and the sender was one of my fellow cult survivors. Wow! I couldn’t wait to get home to see what she had sent me.

What spilled out of this box was more than I could have imagined. There was so much love, tears rolled down my face. In a time where I have had to make some difficult decisions for myself that no one, even this sender, knew about, a time I was feeling both gain and loss, change and rebalancing, here came all of this unexpected Love.

I stared at these paintings, seeing myself through the eyes of this artist, who had painted Vennie and Knowing and Angie, all without even having full awareness of our parts. Sheila just painted from her spirit, and I sit, still, in a space of absorbing what the Universe unfolded. The Counsel, in the form of Art.

Angie/Sila, loved horses as a child, rode them during dissociation states and this beautiful creature stands so valiantly next to their reverence.

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Me holding Sheila’s portrait of Vennie – free spirited and wanting to grow, learn, create and feel the Planet Earth, through her being.

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And finally, Knowing, the crone, ancient Mother, Arcturian angel, she keeps her connection with Her home.

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A poem of honor that I choked out aloud to get the totality of these words.

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Sheila Burton, you and I walked through torture together as children. Yet, here we stand. You have reminded me today that I am loved, from places and hearts reaching into the corners of this land, and I am so grateful and humbled. You have a gift of seeing depth, and today, I learned a great lesson from you. That I am loved. Thank you.

“Feral Girl” a painting from Maude

In understanding how my alter states of being channel through me, I understand that Vennie, me the writer/artist, is the most prevalent existence. She presents on behalf of the sisters. So Vennie got the urge to paint tonight and in a couple of hours this painting emerged.

I was recalled to the young girl in the Alaska tundra so many years ago and how much nature pulled her through despair. She loved to draw horses and felt a deep connection with them. She flew away and rode horses in the worst of times, long before she ever rode a real horse, save the brief “on the pony in a cowboy hat” photo taken when she was 2. She knew how to navigate her way through the terror somehow. What a skilled little girl she was.

I feel Madge healing; really getting more and more integrated into Maude, and that feels rather calming.

And then there’s Maude, but we won’t go there now. 😜

Here is her painting, “Feral Girl”. It feels like a self portrait, how Maude sees herself as Madge, as a teenager, as well as who she is in her dimension. A gothic, yet beautiful soul, trying to find her way back home.

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