victim blaming

Abuse Is Not Just “Being Harsh”

The Eyes Don’t Lie by Vennie Kocsis

“No, you don’t understand.” I explained through the phone. “I witnessed abuse; cruel, verbal abuse.”

Well, you know,” the lady on the other end replied, “some people can be a bit harsh.”

Harsh, that’s what my mother’s generation called verbal abuse. Harshness. Harsh meant you could be spoken to however an adult wished. Harsh meant you were a pain in the ass, always fucking up, couldn’t do anything right, controlled, sequestered, gossiped about, and all the while your abuser feigning to the outside world that they are a good person.

Too many times than I care to count, I have heard how wonderful and kind my mother was.  Yes, it was hard to watch my mother be nice to other people for the sake of appearances.  My mother’s abuse was subtle. She could pinch you on your upper arm to shut you the hell up while smiling at the stranger she was speaking with.

Harsh. This woman I was speaking with had just called blatant verbal abuse “a bit harsh.” I knew in that moment, that none of this was worth my energy.  It was futile to even try anymore, so I said, “Well, I love you.” Because I do. I have love for her existence and the gifts I’ve seen her display.

Then she laughed at me, as if the statement of “I love you” was ridiculous.  She actually outright laughed at me.  I was momentarily stunned.

“Well, I wouldn’t say THAT. That’s not something we just throw around.” She retorted.

I realized even more, that this is the problem. Lady, your generation didn’t tell us you loved us. You didn’t “throw around” love when we needed it, and you still don’t. You throw denial. You throw self service, because “who is going to do this and that for you because you didn’t keep up with age of technology?” You don’t throw out, “I’m sorry you had to witness that. This is not okay. I understand why you ethically wouldn’t want to be associated with that kind of behavior.”

Instead, I received defense statements which melded into victim blaming as if we are over-exaggerating; as if our feelings and observations and hurt don’t matter.  As if we don’t understand your blurred line between “Harshness”and blatant Abuse.

“Well, I say I love you to people I appreciate, so know you’re loved.” I reply. I realize it doesn’t matter. I can feel love for whomever I wish. If she chooses to mock it, that is for her to feel, not me.

I don’t have the where with all to associate myself with these kinds of apathetic mentalities. They are damning and counter-productive. They are petty and cruel. They are lacking depths of self-accountability, and there is not healing within those confounds.

There is a generational gap where the strong are over taking the weak. I feel a sense of empathy for the dying. A Generation of Sociopaths created a grave problem in our societal construct, spent the next fifty years studying these self-created problems, used their children as test subjects for their abuse and study and wrote mass books about it; books which contain no “on the ground” solutions. Regurgitation is not for our generation.

I feel empathy for the waning because they will never know how good it is to heal, to love, to stand in truth instead of denial, to call moments for what they are, to own their own behaviors and make a choice to change them; to speak truth no matter who throws stones, instead of running on passive aggression. They’ll never what it’s like not to care what others think of them or not base their worth on another’s opinion. That’s rather sad, yet that energy is a dense weight on this rising Earth, needing to be healed or dispelled.

When a person is hanging on the edge of a cliff, there comes a moment, their hands become weak.  They know that death is inevitable.  Yet still, they grasp onto that rock with all of their might. Finally, they take that last breath, and free fall into the inevitable destiny of change.  Welcome to a new era of letting go and flying.

Vennie Kocsis is the best-selling author of CULT CHILD, and hostess of Survivor Voices radio show every Sunday at Freedom Slips.

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VennieKocsis.com

 

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Child Abusers Rarely Take Ownership of Their Crimes

If my mother were alive, and you were to ask her if she allowed her children to be abused or if she abused her children, her answer would most likely be (with Bible in hand), “Absolutely NOT!”

She would then most likely go on to tell you what difficult children my siblings and I were to raise, along with a myriad of other excuses to support the gross denial covering the guilt she couldn’t face.   This is what abusers do; blame the child, and all too often, naive adults actually believe it.

A couple of years ago, a friend who grew up in the same cult as me had a conversation with a woman who knew me when I was a child. My friend asked the woman about my time as a child at the second compound I was taken to in Alaska, and the woman said this:

Well, she was quite a boisterous child and was always in trouble a lot.”

She victim blamed a child who she witnessed be abused and yet still, thirty plus years later, the denial runs as deep as the ocean. What should we have expected? That our abusers would admit to their crimes? What a ridiculous notion. Child abusers rarely admit to their crimes unless they’re caught. Given the chance, they will quickly blame the child.  Witnessing child abuse and doing nothing is just as criminal as participating.

Victim blame a child abuse survivor, and that’s where my patience, kindness and association ends.

I do not ever condone a child abuse survivor having to defend themselves against the abuse they suffered. My fellow child abuse survivors, we’re not mentally ill. Our abusers are. Those who would attack your abuse are in serious need of psychological help themselves.

They lack empathy and understanding. Attacking someone’s child abuse is an extremely apathetic action. I feel we must use our voices to stand against those who would deny the atrocities that we endured as children and that children still endure. We have to stand our ground and not allow children to ever be blamed for the neglect and/or abuse they endure.

Tonight I sit in contemplation, knowing where my passions are, and what makes me feel in a space of forward movement.   I am aware of where I put my time and my energy, for my goal is to always be focused on believing and supporting child abuse survivors.

War Must Sometimes Be Waged 

Maude is a strong alter, the strongest alter we have to deal with.  When she takes over she is exacting and infiltrating, rising and swelling on the power of her sexual energy.

She is an incredibly strong programmed succubus, and her carelessness is spiritually damaging to us.  We have been fighting her for years, and she leaves the rest of us in the wake of her adverse intimate choices.

As a child, Maude was Madge, a girl who was programmed with the ability to seduce like a woman.  Because of her sexual power, her energy is difficult to rein in. This program is deeply rooted inside the depth of our womb.

She often dances with Narcissists and Psychopaths who lie and mirror her, saying what she wants to hear so they get to be close to her, and she knows what they are doing. She allows them to victim blame us, that we are the ones responsible for her acceptance of their lies and underhanded behavior or that we are delusional because of our past experiences.  When, in fact, we are dealing with malevolent intent.

She laughs and says the line from Hustle n Flow. “I know when you’re fucking with my head, D, because I let you.”

She is the alter formed from our sexual abuse.  When she becomes active, we are all left with wounds.

I am tired and worn of her.  She doesn’t have the Collective/Empath’s best interest in mind.  She is a programmed alter who kicks into affect when a handler, a trigger is sent in, usually a strong, charming man. Alien love bites suddenly come to mind.

Arcturus light doing battle with the shadow night.

Maude believes she is in control, and in some ways she is, breathing in energy through her mouth, seeing inside the psyches of the individuals she shares her sexual energy with, listening to the words they speak to her; words pertaining to their want of us.   She also swells on the insight of the truth she sees versus the words they speak, breathing them in allowing her to obtain.

Yet, there is no purpose in her existence or behavior as it pertains to the whole and the greater good of our collective as a functioning wheel.

She is the darkness at war with our Light, and we are geared for a fight. The danger with her is that she even allows these individuals an in to us to even begin with, opening entrances to our sacred spaces that should not be allowed, since the individuals most often do not have our best interest in mind. They have their own best interest in mind; even if to merely taste and feed off of our energy.

When this battle is finished, Maude will be bound in order to stop her from allowing the manipulation that she lets men enact on us.  This must be done so that the programming becomes shattered.

We may not be able to integrate Maude due to her strength.  She may need to be eliminated altogether. Time will tell.

The guides call for chastity of heart, mind and body in readiness and for the duration of this fight.

We are beyond this earthly plane.  We are stalwart and undying.  We are capable, and the Council will succeed.

And so today, we declare war.

V