GREETINGS & WELCOME!


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I am the author of Cult Child, a 2016 Amazon best-selling memoir based on my life growing up a sexually, mentally and physically abused child in Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.  This cult still exists, with almost two dozen documented compounds globally.

My creativity is the therapy by which I have survived the memories of my childhood abuse. There are dark caves where the worst of my memories hide.  This is my Shadowland.   There are many  caves, and we intend to travel them all in this lifetime.

I identify Embodied Empath Hybrid and Highly Sensory.   I am an integrated DID carrier. I understand the journey through religious and sexual abuse recovery.  I know the work it takes in returning to our original, authentic mind.

I am raw.  I am flawed.  I am vulnerable, and here without shame, to tell the true story of my own childhood.  I am writing out the effects that this trauma has left on my family and my own children.

I write to survive, and I write for those who cannot find the words to tell their own  story.

CLICK THE BOOK COVERS TO PURCHASE FROM AMAZON

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**TRIGGER WARNING**

Some of the entries you will read if you follow this journal may contain descriptive accounts of sexual, physical, mental abuse, graphic dreams, and other possibly triggering subjects.  Please follow with caution.  If you do decide to follow, stay on the raft, I’ll always have your back.

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Remember to love yourself the most. 

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28 comments

  1. I am super excited to get my hands on this book as well as all the other goodies I have ordered. I too have suffered some trauma but not religious trauma. I can’t wait I wish you the best with your success ❤❤

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  2. Hi Vennie:

    Just read your article on the Sam Fife – MKUltra connection. My mom was a victim of MKUltra and I am also aware of Sam Fife and his cult movement, having a few friends who share that history with you, thankfully also recovering from their experiences.. I had no idea of the connection between Fife & MKUltra and am very mortified and intrigued. With that said, in your mention of the cult “farm” property locations in Alaska, you don’t mention the farm that was briefly established on Lazy Mountain, outside of Palmer, I believe on property leased or purchased from what is now Wolverine Farm, in the late 70’s, early 80’s. It is now gone, with no trace of the buildings. Just wanted to mention that in case possibly you didn’t have that information. Thank you for your sharing, ministry and giving a voice to others.

    Elizabeth

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    1. Hey Elizabeth. Palmer. Was there an airplane landing strip there? Was it near water for water planes to land? I’m wondering if I’m thinking of the same place. Known then as Palmer – or in our language, the Palmer compound. Am I on track. I didn’t know it had disappeared. Did the people disburse to other compounds? How interesting.

      Thank you for connecting and so openly sharing. We are all reuniting and the similarities in our stories are definitely a telling synchronization.

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      1. Hi Vinnie . . . I was on the Palmer farm for a couple years 78-79 and it was hooked up with the others. I was a grown man at the time (about 30) and have been planning for years to write my experience in the body and now I just might do that.

        I am not at all doubting your experience but mine was much different as I neither saw nor experienced anything out of the ordinary. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, but the folks at Palmer were seemingly really normal (but a bit too fanatical for me) to me as I knew most of them from the Canton body. I left for reasons of my own but it was a friendly separation. Now you have me wondering.

        There were a few from other farms that visited from time to time that were a bit over the top to me, and some talk about one ministery that liked little girls but nothing concrete as far as I remember. . . . . anyway I am reading your blog as of today 🙂 One thing I know is that Palmer farm had no air strip or water landing as it was half way up the mountain. Maybe 50 people and kids. Some of us moved to Wasilla and set up a smaller place while I was there. . . . anyway if you want any info I blog at wp http://www.jjwalterspress.com. I’ll be glad to help you. . . . PS are you related to the Canton Ohio Kocsis? Pat and Ron went down with Sam Fife in 79

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        1. Hey JJ. Thank you for connecting with me. I’ll definitely be checking out your blog.

          What stands out to me in everything you write here is this: :

          You say: “I neither saw nor experienced anything out of the ordinary.”

          Then you mention: “There were a few from other farms that visited from time to time that were a bit over the top to me, and some talk about one ministery that liked little girls but nothing concrete as far as I remember.”

          You don’t find the mention of sexual molestation or sexual molestation idealization to be out of the ordinary?

          I find this to be a trend in the adults, even the young ones, from that era. I have empathy, so please hear me and know this isn’t a judgment, but more a sharing and wanting to understand. I have wondered, examining this from a psychological level, if for the adults it’s easier to say “nothing was out of the ordinary” because of the natural feelings of guilt that can accompany the realization that something horrible was going on under your nose, and you didn’t see it. One adult told me they question themselves all the time; that when they were finally told, so much that they noticed came clear to them; that they had to attend counseling to deal with the fact that they were mind controlled and thereby could not critically think through the fact they were witnessing child abuse OR did NOT recognize child abuse.

          If that’s a feeling you’re having, I hope that you’ll know, that if you were not privy to the inner workings of the pedophilia part, it’s not your fault. Pedophiles are very slick. They’re very good at hiding. The pedophile ring Sam Fife had was very exacted and as with many pedophiles, they choose certain children. Some must be left unscathed to say “well, it didn’t happen to me.” This is a common triangulation practice of a child rapist.

          As for the not seeing children beaten (what you might look at as “spanked) and the harsh treatment of children, I have a very difficult time believing that in the two whole years you were there, seeing your time span, that you never saw one thing. I was at the Land in Delta Junction during those years. I have spoken with children who grew up in Palmer during those years, now adults, who experienced abuse. The harsh treatment of children, publicly, was just as apparent there as it was on most every compound. So I’m just having a hard time figuring out how you never once saw a thing. Were you sequestered away from the rest of the members of the compound or anything like that?

          When you were told that an Elder was a pedophile, did that make you cringe to hear that? What was your reaction? Do you remember? Did you feel like there was anyone you could go to and tell them, hey, this isn’t right, if this Father Ministry is molesting little girls? I know that many have told me, who was I going to tell? One tried to tell Tom Rowe, who turned around and sold that person out to the parents. So, when you heard that statement, do you recall how you felt and how you thought you should handle it? Again, curious as to how comfortable you felt, as an adult, reporting child abuse?

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          1. First of all I know mind control as I had not been too long out of the military. I served two years in Asia in an elite airborne unit (am not at all proud of the fact) The word here is ‘elite’ ‘special’ ‘chosen’ ‘warrior’ all the things a street kid strives for to raise himself above the pack. That was where I personally came from when it came to the move in general. . . I wanted to change the world and the wilderness message was right up my sleeve. Looking back religion took a back seat to all that. I have since grown out of all of it. (mostly) I say that to give you an idea about who/what I am and where I am coming from.

            In Canton I moved onto the North Farm after a recent divorce and had no problems that I can remember. The thing about ‘brother Sam’ worship bothered me a bit, but I’ve seen in my limited time as a Christian a lot of preachers that had been placed on a pedestal. Sam had the whole thing laid out in military fashion General Sam down to Jimmy the grunt so I had no problems with the structure.

            Personally, when it comes to the children, I noticed a strict intolerance on the part of the parents, but in that time period getting spanked with boards took place in public school . . . and in the projects where I grew up smack downs were a common occurrence . . . so in my case I was probably enesticised to the whole discipline thing. I also worked out during my whole time with the body so you can say I suppose I was only half in the move and because I am fairly likable I was able to stay . . .

            I honestly only remember good times with the kids as I liked to read stories to them and talk to them. But as a kid I would have probably rebelled against the whole thing we adults were doing ( that’s why I can even believe what you saying) you were not under Sam’s mind control like we were and subconsciously must have hated the fact you were even there. I know I would have. I wanted to be there (for the above reasons) I have a lovely daughter about your age I suppose who absolutely despised body school (Canton) because one of the adult teachers gave her a paddling because she ate her desert before her regular lunch. Up to that point she really liked the teacher, but after never spoke to her again. Shortly thereafter my wife (before the divorce)took her out of body school put her back in public school and that was that. I understand you because of my daughter whom I am very close to these days. She is my best friend and confident and as soon as she could came to live with me after I escaped from Palmer and Alaska.

            As to pedophilia? The one rumored dude was from another place as were all the far out ministries that I noticed . . . those at the Palmer farm were crazy I thought some time, but sex was not noticed by me at all. Had I known anything first hand I would beat the dude with a brick . . . really, I am passive, aggressive and it don’t much for the latter to jump in. . . . anyways I would not go to tell, I would take direct action . . . (not trying to be a tough guy here I grew up in the streets of a housing project and I love kids) and despise pedophilia. I am sure as I look back I will remember many things I (at 75) have forgotten, but when practically all the people in Palmer left the farm and quit the move at pretty much the same time (80’s) I figured things had gotten out of control. I know I went back for a visit once during one of my trips north for work and although a couple were nice to me . . . most ignored me and I felt the cold shoulder quite well . . . caurse I had a beard then and longer hair 🙂 . . . phony’s are hard to take and I never went back . . . . . I’m truly sorry for your experience and hope you have learned a valuable lesson from all of it. I know I did. Forgive the writing as I only have a tiny space on my comment thingy. . . . Never give in . . . always be kind . . . later, J

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  3. Vennie reading your book “the cult child ” just finished chapter 5. That’s fucked up what wasul did to u. I remember him,my mother thought he had a good singing voice. I remember your family. I was on the land back in 77-78. I never wanted to b there but was getting my ass kicked on the regular by my father so was forced to go. Definitely brings back fucked up memories. Appreciate the blood sweat and tears u put in this book. lol maybe I should write a book. Keep on exposing all them bastards. Gonna give my parents this book. Don’t think their going to like it but oh well.

    Much love and sympathy to u and your family

    Ralph Ortiz

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    1. Oh Ralph, we remember you also. I so sorry for all the pain. But look at us now. Living and shit, and it feels good to get to speak the truth. My brother, Scott, said to tell you hello. The current members of the Move definitely don’t like the book but the truth hurts doesn’t it. Remember Marie Williams (Toby Williams)? She said recently that well, I was a “seductive child”. The mindset is still the same. The air in Delta Junction is thick and evil. I will keep talking and exposing for sure. As long as children are still trapped there, I’ll keep speaking. Love you, Ralph and thank you for connecting. It especially made my brother very happy! 💞

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          1. Thanks, Vennie. I thought Whitestone had/owned/operated an excavation company but I can’t recall the name at the moment but different from Williams and Son’s.

            Are you aware of any Move connections in Tennessee? Were the Williams “converted” after moving to Delta?

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